Lycanthrope Republicans

They act like blood thirsty wolves for a reason

Bad republicans believe they act with impunity. They seem to go forth in the world oblivious of facts and logic. When faced with something contrary to their belief system, even innocuous matters of daily life, they react like animals. It doesn't take much to make a typical Republican conservative attack. Republican conservatives, especially those of the tea bagger, town haller, birther, and Glen Beck supporter variety, are blood thirsty creatures. Combine this instinct for violence with low levels of education and a tacit acceptance of a primitive moral/ethical structure, and you have ready made attack dogs on two legs who masquerade as human beings.

Laws can't stop them. They know how to deal with laws, witnesses and evidence. They know about alibis. Other members of society can't stop them. Their friends will cover for them or turn a blind eye to their actions.

As anyone knows who has hunted a lycanthrope or has trailed the wily Chupucabra, a simple bite, if not cared for immediately, will affect any normal person. The infection can manifest itself as a psychological disease, and it can work double damage on certain types of people. Those predisposed to violence give it a ready host. Those with low natural intelligence and religious zealots are highly susceptible. Once infected there is little hope for a cure.

Lycanthrope Republicans prefer to strike the young. Young Republicans often host massive infections within their minds, where the infection is deep. They feel the need to group and for clubs where they can practice their secret calls and plot against Americans, and find mates to breed or pass the infection.

Skunk Ape Republicans live in trailer parks all over the country. They were very active in the 50's and early 60's, but they've shrank back into the dark corners of society over the past few decades, working behind the scenes to intimidate neighbors and townsfolk who don't share their insular, angry views regarding immigrants and people with non-white skin tones.

Chupucabra Republicans reside primarily in the far southern states but some have been known to travel as far as Michigan, finding a home in the upper section of the lower peninsula. The wide, empty tracts of pine forest, devoid of most human beings, are a perfect place for them to practice their strange blood rites. In the south they find swampland and desert - especially those who horde in Texas and New Mexico. Occasionally police and authorities find their marks - unmarked mass graves containing dismembered body parts of their victims. Be careful when you visit these areas. The enzyme that creates the peculiar Chupucabra tainted Republican imparts the famous cunning of the beast.

When visiting those parts of the country be very careful. They will quickly befriend a stranger and invite them to a "party" in the woods, using drugs, alcohol, and promises of sex to lure their victims. Those unlucky enough to attend these Republican festivals may find themselves suddenly surrounded by people in white robes and hoods. The ritual crucifixian is usually next (they are Christian), followed by dismemberment and a feast. The raw, bloody flesh of the visitor is consumed while performing ritual chants and listening to classic, Republican music (think Ted Nugent and any southern rock band).

Rarely a visitor is allowed to survive. This person, usually bonded to a member of the opposite sex for reasons of pack security, carry the Chupucabra enzyme away from the troupe. Around the turn of the century this was quite common. But over the last thirty years there have been very few accounts of this which leads researchers to believe the Chupucabra infected Republicans have turned inward, forming a protective circle in order to keep out those who would expose them t the media.

All crypto-infected Republican conservative fear the Information Age. They are deathly scared of a society the give anyone the ability to research them, to find local records on disappearances and other illegal activities that could lead to their discovery and arrest. They are currently seeking limits on the internet, public libraries and other sources of information. While their campaign to shut down and control public libraries has been somewhat successful, they haven't seen the same result with the world wide web because of the retail industry and the vast amount of money they make using the internet. And they use the internet to locate more victims and future Republicans they can turn to the dark.

Stay tuned. More information will be forthcoming. Make sure to watch your conservative Republican neighbors closely and be warned about their "parties".